We are both avid readers, and in our home, we could be frequently found with books propped up on our knees, silently emersing ourselves in different worlds. (This was most disturbing to our mother who often complained that we spent too much time with our 'noses buried in books'. That is another tale entirely.)
My sister, a speed-reader, favoured Barbara Cartland and "Thrills and Swoons". She devoured these skinny little volumes in one hour per book. I, on the other hand, took my time scaring myself catatonic.
"There's not a shred of romance in you," she would tell me regularly.
"And you have your head in the clouds," I would reply, "Romance isn't real." And she would stalk off in a self-righteous huff with her bodice ripper tucked under her arm, while I made fun of her books from a distance.
I didn't get any more romantic as the years rolled on and I realised that a great deal of couples buy into the romance thing and what I like to call "The Happily Ever After Principle": You meet The One, You Fall In Love, You Live Happily Ever After. Just add sprinkles and ta-da! Ready made happy relationship.
Flowers, chocolates and candlelit dinners, while lovely, do not a good relationship make. Grand gestures and midnight massages with soft, sexy music will only take a couple so far. Relationships are hard damn work.
It's only after the pheromones subside and the bed death sets in that we get to see what kind of stuff our relationships are made of.
Honest communication is what I believe to be the glue to successful longterm lesbian relationships. Honest communication and freedom of expression. Trusting that you can say whatever needs to be said without the other party packing her power tools, gathering up her cats and heading out the door. Or worse: trashing your L-Word collection, packing her power tools, gathering up her cats and heading out the door after delivering a swift kick to your prize winning petunias.
My dad's advice on relationships still rings true for me: "Marry your best friend." It was the only thing he ever said to me about relationships. It is the only advice on relationships I ever followed. There will come a time when you and your partner will need to move out from under the sex scented sheets and into the world. And it would be preferable to do so with your best friend than with someone who scares you catatonic.
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